Five Online Dating Tips on Writing the Very first Message

Violating the ice—in any situation—is no effortless feat. Whether you’re approaching someone at a bar, a party, or online, putting yourself out there can be an awkward and scary practice, even for people who are naturally outgoing.

Fortunate for us, cracking the ice online is a lot lighter and a lot less scaring than approaching someone in real life. You don’t have to deal with a crowd of people watching you, you can take a indeed long time thinking of what to say, and you have the assurance of knowing that the people you’re approaching are also single and open to meeting someone—after all, they’re on a dating site.

Next time you log in and commence meeting people, consider these five online dating tips for writing a very first message:

Even if your belly is tied up into knots and you’re so jumpy you can hardly type, attempt to stay silent. Go splash some cold water on your face, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, “What do I have to lose?” Indeed, it’s not like the person on the other end of the message is going to publicly reject you, and you’ll never have to see this person in real life if nothing comes out of your attempt. The worst that can happen is an “I’m not interested” message, which you can quickly delete. And, if you get no response at all, you can do what we all do and just pretend it never happened. The capability to compartmentalize is a beautiful thing.

Actually take the time to read someone’s profile before sending that very first message. I know a lot of us are quick on the draw when it comes to messaging people who catch our eye, but it helps to actually know something about that person before you message them. And, from the feedback I’ve gotten from real online daters, we know that’s exactly what most online daters want you to do. One online dater Elizabetta wrote, “Before flirting or mailing, please, read my profile. Do not just look at the photo! Think: Do we have anything in common, why would she be interested in me? There is a reason she has written all that.”  Another dater, Damian, said, “The best flirt I ever received was from a lady who wrote something that displayed she had at least read my profile. In fact, I thank her to this day for her honesty and friendly reply.” Tailor-made messages, like tailor-made clothes, truly do fit better. You’ll see.

“Cool it down,” isn’t just a lyric in one of our beloved Velvet Underground songs. It’s also basic advice when it comes to dating.  Online dater, Nathaniel elaborated for us, “Girls get tired of cheesy compliments like, ‘you are so beautiful, you have such beautiful eyes, I think I’m in love, I’ve died and gone to heaven, if I’m sleeping don’t wake me, I must be dreaming, let’s do it, your so hot, etc.’ Don’t use pick up lines ever. They don’t work.” The same goes for guys; everyone will just think you’re creepy if you over-do it with compliments, especially when you slightly know them. According to data from the online dating site Zoosk, messages with generic compliments that included words like sexy, lovely, beautiful, or gorgeous actually made responses go down. Also, while it’s one thing to be tongue-in-cheek, it’s another thing to be vulgar. The best way to treatment a very first message is to keep it in ‘friend’ territory. Keep your message light and elementary. You have slew of time to develop things further, so be patient for now.

TMI, or ‘too much information’, about yourself is a no-no on a very first date, and it’s also a no-no with a very first message too. Generally, when people talk too much about themselves it exposes a real problem with listening, which is a turn off. If things work out inbetween you and your prospective match, they’ll find out everything about you in due course. There is no need to tell someone everything about your life right away. Also, keep an eye on the scale of your letter. Don’t write a novel, but don’t send a haiku either. While you should make sure you include enough text to spark someone’s interest, don’t include so much that they fall asleep while scrolling through it. And you should make sure at least some of your sentences end with a question mark. Asking questions in your message, as opposed to talking nonstop about yourself, is also a good way to get a reply.

Never underestimate the power of a typo-proof message. Typos and grammatical mistakes are ugly blips that detract from the sincerity and sweetness of what you’re telling. Can you imagine what Sonnet eighteen would be like if instead of “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” Shakespeare wrote instead, “Shlal I compaer the two a sumur’s dai?” If you feel awkward with the grammatical integrity of a message, why not run a plain grammar and spelling check on it? It’s not that hard, we promise.

Just to give you an idea of what a good very first message might look like, below is a sample very first message to use as an example.

Hi _____. My name is _____, and I indeed liked what you said in your profile!

We share a lot of interests, like synchronized swimming and live activity role playing games. It also emerges that we have truly similar music taste. Norwegian death metal is the best! What’s your dearest band? Also, I noticed in your picture that you have a pet turtle. I have a pet turtle too, named Rick! He’s thirty-five years old. Do you have any other pets? I’m a vegetarian and I love animals, and I’m blessed to read that you’re a vegetarian too.

Anyway, I hope to hear back from you because you sound indeed interesting. Have a nice day!

See how effortless that was? Even if you don’t think you’d react to a message like that, I’m sure the pet-turtle having, Norwegian death metal loving, synchronized swimming LARPer getting that message certainly would.

Next time you’re ready to commence messaging someone, reminisce these tips. Over time, you’ll realize that cracking the ice online isn’t so bad after all. In fact,you might even surprise yourself and embark having joy.

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