A Guide to Pick Up Lines & Awesome Bios On Tinder
When our parents were youthfull, dating was ordinary. There was no Tinder, no Bumble, no Raya, no Seeking Arrangements.
They went to school, they railed a bike, they drank milkshakes at the local diner and eventually married the woman next door. Soon after they pumped out you and maybe your siblings and lived joyfully ever after.
Today we’re just a bunch of spoilt Sydney and Melbourne (and any other city) brats. Studs want model lawyers with form, a sense of humour, a stable family and good child bearing hips. Women want…well, who the hell knows what they want.
Thanks to Tinder, meeting your one in a million is now much lighter. So no more awkward openers in nightclubs like, “Excuse me, do you know how old Sandra Sully is?” – that was my favourite back in the day.
Be warned people NEVER look like their photos when you eventually meet. Expect people to be 20% uglier, fatter, hairier, etc in real life. It’s just how things work on Tinder.
Simply leaping on Tinder is not any assure of dating success or even getting a date in the very first place tho’. Every activity has an equal and opposite reaction.
We’re here to explain the do’s and don’ts of creating a killer profile that will hopefully attract Mrs.Right rather than Mrs.HowMuchYaGotInYaBank.
How Tinder Works
Coming in the game of love
It’s all rather ordinary. Think of a deck of cards and as you flick through the deck each card shows you someone’s face.
You either swipe left if you’re not interested or swipe right if you’re interested. The same goes for the person on the other end. Once two people swipe right (I like him/her) then we have a ‘match'.
You’ll find getting a match will give you a quick burst of dopamine, which is good but you then need to woo the person with some witty repartee to progress to the next level.
Setting Up Your Account
It's lighter than buying a stranger a drink
Whether you’re on iPhone or Android, hop on their app store and download Tinder. It’s free, so just sign up via Facebook and you’re ready to rock and roll in your own love/horror story in the making.
Choosing Your Photos
The most significant thing when choosing photos is to create a selection that permits the flawless playmate to imagine themselves in your life.
Choose a good profile shot that’s only of you (no friends) – if you can, get a friend to choose the best shot of you. Recall you only have a split 2nd for someone to find you attractive, so choose cautiously.
As for the other photos, choose a selection which demonstrates you doing joy or interesting things. We tend to hear women telling they don’t like guys with their tops off in photos or posing with sedated tigers in Thailand…But we do hear puppies and venture works very well.
Writing An Award Winning Tinder Bio
If your photos suck and you look like a potato then this part is less significant but we recommend taking some time to write a few words to pique the other person's’ interest. Keep it brief, attempt and be witty as we know people like a funny fellow. Avoid douchey comments or highlighting what you don’t like. You’ll often see ladies telling, no smokers, druggies, dogs only, blah blah blah. Don’t do this, give the person little snippets so they want to know more.
Who wants to come puppy shopping? (insert dog emoji)
I'm driven and successful. I know what I want in life. I grab life by the beaver. People often mistake me for a model but that's okay. Did I mention I'm a hectic kickboxer?
Paying For Hook-up, I Mean Tinder Premium
For ballers who want to buy love
Those geniuses at Tinder know damn well that people will always pay for the prospect of finding love. Tinder has a limit of how many times you can swipe in one day. If you wish to gargle that limit out of the water and swipe to infinity and beyond, then you can buy Tinder Premium for $24.95 a month.
Not only can you swipe forever, but you can also choose different locations and swipe as if you’re in say Fresh York, Dubai or Punchbowl. Think of it as checking out the talent before you travel to those places.
For Lovemaking Or For Love?
A question which has plagued mankind for at least four years now – is Tinder just for lovemaking? We would say no. It’s for both. We know slew of people who have met on Tinder and are still together two or three years later.
On the other arm, many guys simply use Tinder just for cheap thrills and quick hook-up. You’ll find these guys are fiercely upfront about this. With acronyms like ‘DTF' and common phrases like ‘Send Nudes’ you soon realise there’s a type of masculine on Tinder who just want to fuck.
There are women who think exactly the same but they’ll post comments in their profiles like – ‘Not here just for a quick fuck.’ Don’t be deterred by this, it’s just a way of telling ‘no dickheads please'.
Tinder Openers, Conversation Starters & Pick Up Lines
Rise to glory or crash and burn
So you’ve matched and now it’s time to make the very first stir. We always recommend guys make the very first budge, otherwise you’ll just die wondering. Matches will stay there as long as either you or the other person doesn't ‘unmatch' you. Getting unmatched is a sign that they think you’re not right for them, so don’t take it personally just get on with your next match.
Our largest advice is to not be boring. Sure, if you’re 6’4 and have model good looks you can most likely get away with being boring, but if you’re a mere mortal then attempt stiffer.
Avoid ‘hey’, ‘yo’ or ‘wassup’ – these are shit. Instead, make a comment about something in one of her photos or ask something stupid like, ‘Are you a forklift driver?’. They’ll be thinking WTF and it will hopefully get things rolling.
Let's look at some examples.
Very Bad…
So, have you always been a chick?
Please tell me you're not a forklift driver or have a giant dragon tattoo on your back?!
You look like someone who would own ten cats
If you were a hamburger, which one would you be? (A tofu one isn't an reaction.)
Bad… but kinda good…
Is your bedroom always that messy?
Pro peak: If they don't post a total length figure shot it usually means your potential match is ‘cuddly'. Trust me, this has been proven on more than one occasion.
Keeping The Talk Going
No one ever has you at ‘Hello'
One of the most significant things in any relationship is talk. Good, joy talk. Oh and grammar. Shitty grammar will ensure the person on the other end will discontinue the conversation. Be joy, playful and a little bit cheeky. Avoid boring culo questions like ‘how are you?’ and ‘how was your day?’ – these are sure ways to kill a good thing.
Don’t attempt and get too deep in conversation, rather see if there’s a spark and organise to meet for a drink or something of the sort.
Accomplished peak: Self deprecating humour is good, but in measured doses. You don”t want to come off as a loser.
Getting A Number & Setting Up A Date
Don’t be a twat, just ask. If there’s a spark, you’ll know and it will feel natural to proceed the conversation offline ITRW (In The Real World). Just reminisce not to leave your conversation going too long within Tinder. People are not on Tinder to find a penpal.
Peak: Meeting someone on Tinder can be a bit scary so we recommend providing them a call before you meet to have a talk. It will relieve a bit of the ‘oh shit’ stress and make for a better meetup. Also if you talk on the phone and they sound mental you can bail.
This is joy but I want to see if you're not a dude. Let's grab a drink this week.
Where To Meet
In public is best
Tinder can be total of creeps so be aware that you’ll want to be meet somewhere public. Arrange to grab a drink and don’t commit to a long dinner. Unless of course if this is a DTF (Down To Fuck) meeting then just meet at a hotel or home and love.
Manage Your Expectations
Be warned people NEVER look like their photos when you eventually meet. Expect people to be 20% uglier, fatter, hairier, etc in real life. It’s just how things work on Tinder. In fact there's every possibility that your date will have a wooden gam and an eye patch.
How To Delete Tinder
Kill it with fire
Don’t stress, if you’re worried about people watching you or you’ve just met Mrs.GetMeTheFuckOutOfHere, then simply open the settings in Tinder and choose to delete your account. Once you delete your account all your previous matches and conversations will go to God and vanish forever.
Peak: If you don’t wish to delete your account but would like to be invisible for a while you can hide your profile and proceed to talk to your matches. This is a nice way of telling ‘I need some time out, but I’ll be back.’
A Loving Conclusion
There you have it. Tinder can be a good way to meet people if you’re timid or just sick of clubs and bars. So give it a go, experiment with your photos and description and don’t take it all too earnestly.
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